It’s been around 24 hours since I have seen Avatar. I have let it percolate in my head and I have also had the chance to to hash out some of my thoughts with fellow geeks. What follows will be spoiler heavy so if you haven’t seen it yet and don’t wish to know anything then stop reading.
First I’ll start with my gripes.
One of the biggest annoyances in the movie was the lack of any character development for the villains. They were all just evil dudes who were bent on destruction no matter the cost. In the case of Col. Quaritch he was just a Marine that was hell bent on kicking ass and killing whomever, or whatever, was in his way. Understandable but he was like a person devoid of any human emotions who seemed to hate the Na’Vi for no apparent reason. If he was the only person in the movie like that I would let it slide. However, virtually all the Marines (except for two) in the movie were also one-dimensional characters devoid of any moral compass or any semblance of a human emotion. I find it hard to believe that out of the thousands of people there 99.9% of them were completely on board with massacreing the aliens just because they wanted to get some unobtainium (stupid name btw). Besides I don’t think there is a need for anymore stereotyping of Marines as crazy, evil whack-a-doos. There was just too much black and white in the movie, and rarely were there any shades of grey–morally speaking.
Secondly, I get the whole allusions to slavery and the plight of the American Indians, but it was a bit much. Actually it wasn’t even an allusion it was pretty much a straight up comparison to the westward expansion of the United States. The unobtainium is gold, and the Marines are the evil frontiersman who murdered and pillaged their way across the west. Now is not the time for a moral or historical debate about that time period. What bugged me was the ham-fisted attempt to wed that time period with the modern one. Throwing in phrases like “shock and awe” and “fight terror with terror” took me out of the movie momentarily. I get it you’re against the Iraq War, slavery, and westward expansion. Good to know, but unfortunately it was all shoe-horned into the story. Plus there are other movies that have done a better job with those themes–namely Return of the Jedi. The ending of both movies is basically the same. The peace loving simple people defeat the technologically superior, but moralistically inferior people–except in Avatar there is the added element of a Deity that interjects and helps out.
Ok now you may think that with all that griping and complaining that I hated the movie, but if you thought that you’d be wrong. Watching this movie I got the same feeling I got when I watched Jurassic Park, Star Wars, or Terminator 2. This movie is a game-changer. All the work that was done by ILM over the years in creating digital sets and characters was put to spectacular use in Avatar. The interaction movie is virtually seamless in blending all the real with the digital. Watching this movie totally blew my mind. (And despite my gripes with the story, the story was actually pretty good. There is a decent and simple plot line to follow, there’s a bit of a love story, and there are some moral themes that could have been powerful if I wasn’t beaten over the head with them.) The 3D was great because it wasn’t a gimmick. The characters weren’t breaking the fourth wall trying to engage the audience. There wasn’t an overabundance of spears, vehicles, or whatever coming directly at the camera. Instead the 3D was used as a way to create a more immersive environment. Pandora felt more real. There was more depth to the world, and this helped to draw you in. This is how these technologies were meant to be used. I finish by restating what I’ve already said. The movie is a game changer, and it must be seen in 3D. This movie should become a blueprint for how 3D and CGI should be used to create new immersive worlds. If it does and other directors keep improving it then there should be a lot of exciting movies in the future. It’ll be amazing to see where this all leads too. So if I was going to give this movie a grade I would say it’s a solid 95%, so go see it now.
If I have said it once I have said it a million times YouTube is one of the biggest time vampires in my life. Sometimes I really don’t know how I get anything done at all. For instance, right now I should be wading my way through 70+ pages of notes and writing out practice essays for the big test on Friday, but instead I have been meandering my way through videos on YouTube. I just can’t help it sometimes I hit a good thread and just keep going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Here now are a couple of the gems that I found today (incidently I got started on this topic by finding this website that tracks TWSS comments over twitter). The first is every (almost) “That’s what she said” from The Office and the other one is some TWSS from the Star Wars trilogy. Maybe it’s just me but TWSS jokes never get old. It’s now time to go back to (or start) studying. It’s going to be hard, but I have to tear myself away from the interwebs. Enjoy.
Here is the last (for now) of Mr. Magness’ guest posts, with his best TV picks of the last year. Since I watch more TV than I do movies I will also add in a couple of my top picks at the end.
1. The Presidential Debates/Election with the Daily Show Commentary
Just like back in 2000 and 2004 Daily Show seems to cover politics the best throughout every Presidential Election. This year Jon Stewart and “The Best F*#@ing News team” would just tear any candidate a new one with great insight and impressive wit. It is great to have people like Jon Stewart around to call bullshit on everyone and anyone in the public spotlight who make fools of themselves. As a government teacher it is nice after reading and watching news all day from CNN, the Post, and our local paper to watch the Daily Show and get more truth then the rest combined. I can’t wait for 2012.
If the election had not happened this year this show would have easily been my number one new show of the year. This show is shot like the Office in documentary style and tells the story of three people at an Australian High School, Summer Heights High. Chris Lilly plays all the main characters to perfection and is the creator of the show. The characters are Mr. G (director of performing arts), Jonah (Puck you, Miss) and Ja’mie (Hot AIDS nurse). I put this show as amazing as Arrested Development and The Office on rewatchablity and just pure genius. From the moment you meet the characters you don’t even realize they are all played by the same actor. Lilly has an amazing story line and I hope we will see a lot more of him in the upcoming years.
It amazes how much I have fallen in love with this show over the course of three years. A couple years back Brooke’s brother Paul told us about this sitcom and how it was on before Two and a Half Men. Now I HATE/LOATHE Two and a Half Men and believed any show that is on near it would suck just as bad but this show has blossomed into one of the funniest and wittiest shows on TV today. I equate this to being a more modern FRIENDS type show with better story telling and better inside jokes. The story is based on a father telling his kids about the events leading up to how he met their mom but the show is much more then that. Also Peter Segal (Freaks and Geeks) and Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) are absolutely amazing and funny. Free episodes are after the link…
These 2 shows are put together as one for a very good reason…This is the best hour of television on every week. These comedies keep getting better every year and now 30 Rock is getting the acclaim it deserves. Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan are so funny and Tina Fey has really come into her own as an actress on the show. But The Office is no slouch either when it comes to comedy brilliance. Steve Carell is still up their as one of the best around because of his performance as Michael Scott. I wish he would be able to win some more awards for his spot on impression of stupidity with heart. What makes both these shows great is that they always live up to the hype that surround them every single Thursday.
(Because I am not a big fan of Alec Baldwin I refrained from watching 30 Rock so I have to thank Mr. Magness for enriching my life by almost forcing me to watch 30 Rock with his constant praise of the show. So thanks, now it’s one of my favorite shows and I can’t believe I wasn’t watching it. And I am starting to come around on Alec Baldwin.)
5. Lost
This show will always be in my top ten because it is the best drama on television every single year. If you have already tried to watch LOST and it wasn’t for you then there is not much I can say to convince other then YOU ARE MISSING THE BEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.PERIOD. (then why isn’t #1 you ask..because they make me wait 7 months at a time for a new season)
(I watched the first and part of the second season of this show and quit after I realized it was a pointless endeavor. In my opinion JJ Abrams is the hackiest hack in hackdom. I really hate his stuff and I refuse to watch anything that he is the creative force behind. I have so many issues with him and his shows but recounting them would take too much time and is not the topic of this post.)
I know I said this would be posted yesterday but things got in the way (drinking). However, it’s better late than never so here is Mr. Magness’ worst movies of the year. There might be some spoilers so you are forewarned.
1. Hancock
So Will Smith is officially put on notice by me. He is slowly putting out crap and we the public are acting like the movies are still decent. Take this pile shit about a superhero that doesn’t want to be a superhero. The story on paper looks great and the cast and director are all people I enjoy to see in movies but this movie was HORRIBLE! First the special effects are a joke. The CGI looks like they it was rushed and the story makes no sense whatsoever. Something about Will Smith and Charlize Theron in love for eternity but they cant be together because they make each other mortal so they fight in the middle of LA. The fact they want to make a sequel grosses me out and makes me realize Will Smith is in it for the money not for the art *P.S. Seven Pounds also sucked…what is with the damn jellyfish.*
(I completely agree with this even though I never saw the movie, because Will Smith has been dead to me for quite a while now. I always have trouble figuring out what his last good movie was.)
2. Tropic Thunder
Before you jump down my throat for this pick please hear me out. This movies joke about stars living out the movie got old..maybe 30 minutes in and we still had an hour and half left. Robert Downey Jr. was good and Danny McBride were great but the rest really did suck. The movie was so built up in my mind from everyone telling me how great it was that when I finally saw it I was unimpressed and saddened. Ben Stiller is funny but this movie is a one trick pony that tries too hard to have me care that Hollywood actors are idiots and assholes. I already knew that and I didn’t need a movie in the jungle to prove it. *P.S. Thought the Tom Cruise character was dumb and very unfunny…playa*
3. Vantage Point
So I go to this movie opening night for many reasons 1) The trailer for this movie looked great 2)Matthew Fox is in this movie 3) I can get sucked in to any thriller that looks half way decent. Sadly all these reasons were unjustified and we ended up watching a dumb predictable movie that was not entertaining, smart or even close to being a good movie. So Matthew Fox ends up being the secret bad guy who wants to kill the President and Dennis Quaid brings him down. There I just ruined a bad movie for you so you have no reason to see it. And I don’t feel sorry because you should be thanking me for saving 2 hours of your life. *P.S. Your Welcome*
A wise man once said “Marty, if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.” Those wise words were my guide today when I embarked on my latest Herculean effort: watching the Star Wars Holiday Special. I had always heard the stories about this epically terrible show, and I thought that I would never get the chance to see it. However, this afternoon when I woke up from my beer induced coma, I hopped on my computer to see what was new in the world. One of my stops was Lady VoIP’s newest blog entry, in which she talked about a virtual Christmas. One of the links she posted caught my eye as it was a site that had 101 Christmas videos. Like a lightning bolt to the brain I immediately thought that there was no way they could have that many videos and not have the Star Wars Holiday Special, and as it turned out #100 was my lucky number.
WTF???
I really couldn’t believe my luck there it was–the missing link. I had to see it and since it was snowing outside I decided that there was no time like the present. To be fair I knew it was supposed to be bad I just didn’t know how bad it was going to be. The first ten minutes of the show was so mind-numbingly excruciating that I had to stop watching and take a break. How bad was it? Ten minutes of watching an inside glimpse of the everyday occurrences of your typical Wookie family. While that was bad enough the make-up, special effects, and really every aspect of it was of the absolute worst quality. It also looked like they scavenged some of the terrible footage that went unused from A New Hope, and some clips looked like they were taken directly from the ANH and reused. On top of all this there was no talking for ten minutes, unless you can call RRRWWWWGGGRR RAAAAWRRR GRRRAAAWWWWRRGG talking. This was the first time I thought about giving up, but the wise words of George McFly helped me to continue on, and thank god I kept going otherwise I would have missed out on all of the greatness that was awaiting me.
Where's The Zipper?
For the entirety of the show I was unable to watch more than fifteen minutes without taking some kind of break to keep my brain from leaking out of my ears. I can’t even put into words how much of an abomination this show is. Let me see if I can attempt to explain how terrible it was. First off the story is dreadful and I’m not even sure what the fuck the story is. It has something to do with Chewbacca going home, and with some talisman that we only see for about ten seconds, and then it becomes irrelevant. Nothing made sense throughout though because the structure and presentation was god-awful. It seems like in every scene they only did one take, and no matter how bad it was they kept it. It’s about now where you are probably asking “why the fuck did you keep watching then?” I will tell you why. You know how some movies are so bad that they transcend their badness and become good? Well that’s not this show at all; it is in an entirely different stratosphere. It is soo bad that it is hysterical. I laughed so freaking hard I drooled on myself. This hilarity comes with a price though–namely retardation. Seriously my brain still feels addled and it has been hours since I finished watching it.
Back Off Sukka!!
One of the only redeeming factors of the whole thing was the cartoon that just abruptly shows up in the middle of the show, and like the show it doesn’t really make much sense but the significance of the cartoon is that it is the first appearance of Boba Fett. Despite the absurdity of this show somehow Boba Fett still retains a modicum of coolness. Another highly hilarious moment was when Chewbacca’s kid, Lumpy (seriously who the fuck thought of that name), starts crying. After watching that scene I couldn’t stop laughing for about ten minutes. Some of the most heinous parts of the show include their attempts to bring “celebrities” into the show via some weird TV like thing. I could have done without Bea Arthur, Jefferson Starshit, or that stupid stupid cooking show. Seriously my mind is still spinning from the incomprehensibility of the whole show. As bad as it was I feel like I accomplished something by sticking with it and watching the whole entire thing. It’s like some zen thing where you cleanse your mind by enduring trials and tribulations. That’s how I feel now, and also half-retarded but maybe that’s just part of the zen experience. So with all that being said go watch it–if you dare. If you can make it through the first ten minutes then you should be impressed with your mental resolve. It’s seriously a once in a lifetime experience. On a side note I want whatever drugs George Lucas was on when he agreed on the creation of this Frankenstein.
The last 24 hours have been a whirlwind for me. Yesterday was Evacuation Day and I had some friends in town so I went to go celebrate with them. I ended up meeting them at a TGI Fridays (because the girls were at some ballet show) in Midtown, and we commenced to drinking some beers. Nothing crazy just a few beers, some chicken wings, and a lot of bullshitting. Around 11 we got ready to leave and asked for out check. Holy shit did we get a surprise. I’ve been to quite a few bars in and around midtown and in Times Square but none of them were ever as expensive as this shitbag TGI Fridays. I’m used to paying 6 bucks a pint for any beer including Guinness. This place charged us over $8 for each of our coors lights, and our wings were outrageously priced at $15. Sure I guess I should have looked at the menu first, but you expect all TGI Fridays to be priced similarly. On top of that most of the nicer bars, and restaurants I have been to in the city have been way cheaper than this place. So if you live in the area or you’re going to visit the city DO NOT go to the TGI Fridays on 49th and 7th Ave across from the Winter Garden theater.
After getting fleeced at TGI Fridays I took the train back home, and when I got back to Queens I had a 40 minute wait for my bus so I decided to wait for the bus at my local neighborhood bar. I was planning on only having a couple beers whilst I was waiting for the bus, but I ended up staying there until closing time. So I stumbled out around 4:00 am and walked to the bus stop, and started to wait. It was brutally cold and I had to wait about fifteen minutes for the bus to come, and once I jumped on I promptly passed out. I awoke after 5:00 am, and I was over 100 streets past my stop. By the time I got home it was past 6:00 am, and I finally was able to pass out.
I didn’t rest long, however, as I got up at 11:00 so I could go get a new TV. I got up and even though I was tired I was excited and full of energy. I took the train to Best Buy and within an hour I was standing at the check out line with my new Samsung 40 inch HDTV. I was so excited to plug it in and see what I’ve been missing. So I carried my new tube down to the street, hailed a cab, and then started my trek home.
Hopefully many of you have voted, or are getting ready to vote. Either way here is a great video to help pass sometime until the results start coming in. On a side note why does there always seem to be problems in Florida? Get your act together Florida. Stop being the poster-state for dysfunction. Also why is it that Election Day isn’t a national holiday? I don’t get that, and hopefully it is something that gets changed in the next few years. Well enjoy the video. Go Lando!
So last night I couldn’t sleep, and I had just finished watching the X-Files. I started flipping around looking for something good to watch when I stumbled onto an episode of Spaced on BBC-America. Now let me preface what I am about to say by asking did you like Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz? If the answer was a yes (probably a resounding yes, because those two movies are money) then you really should check out Spaced. So what is it? Well it is a TV Show from the same team that did Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. It is obviously a British show, and it is hilarious. (I’m not one of those people that believes that British TV is so much superior to American, because it isn’t. I do like the British Office, but I also like the American one, and I think Jim and Dwight are way better in the American version.) There are many reasons why Spaced is a great show; foremost amongst them is that Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, Jessica Hynes, and Nick Frost have great chemistry on screen. They are all also great writers who know the audience that they are writing for. Unfortunately there are only two seasons totaling 14 episodes so it is a short lived series, but it packs a huge punch. I have seen the series a few times myself, and all the episodes are jam-packed with tons of laugh out loud moments. So do yourself a favor and check out the show on Netflix or just buy it. It is well worth the money. I found a few clips on YouTube so enjoy.
Last year was a terrible year for movies, and there wasn’t a whole lot to be excited about. This summer is shaping up to be much better, considering that there have already been quite a few great movies like Hulk and Iron Man. The next 6 weeks are looking to be a very geeky time for movie fans. Personally, I’m excited. This Friday, July 11, Hellboy 2 will be released. I’m looking forward to this movie for a few reasons. First off, I enjoyed the first movie–although it took a little too long to get going–and now that he doesn’t have to worry about origin stories, we can just jump right into the action. Secondly, I want to see how good this movie can be, because Del Toro is–if you don’t know–going to be directing the two Hobbit movies. I love Del Toro’s style, and I think it will meld well with the LOTR’s imagery. If he can really make this Hellboy movie his own, and really make into something great, then it will assuage some of my apprehension at him doing The Hobbit. So this Friday I will be making my way to the multiplex to check it out:
On the Friday after, July 18, comes the next movie that I am excited about which is The Dark Knight. Everything about this movie is top-notch. Check out the poster, which is one of the best posters I think I have ever seen (BTW thanks to PML friend Mag-10 for sending this my way). Everyone is fawning over this movie, and you know that when movie critics–generally snobbish, fickle, and jealous crowd–start singing the praises of a comic book movie, well then, it’s really good. I originally wasn’t sure about Heath Ledger as the Joker, but the more I see the more I am completely sold on him. Even though I like the Tim Burton Batman and Nicholson’s Joker, I always thought that that vision of the Joker was too campy, and not dark enough. I’ve talked to quite a few people who have said that they don’t care what Ledger does, that Jack Nicholson will always be the Joker. I say shenanigans to that. The thing that is great about the Joker is that he is a sadistic, demented criminal, that has a ton of fun being evil, and has absolutely no conscience. So far there hasn’t been a Joker that has captured that darkness, but I am willing to bet that Ledger’s performance is going to shock a lot of people. There is already Oscar buzz about Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker:
Well apparantely they are rooting for him to win; surprised the hell out of me, that is until, I actually read why they were rooting for him:
“He will make things so bad for white people that hopefully they will finally realize how stupid they were for admiring these jigaboos all these years,” “Darthvader” wrote on the neo-Nazi Vanguard News Network web forum.
My first reaction is how does someone who likes Star Wars, and particularly Darth Vader, who is I remind you voiced by a black man, spew such trash. It takes all sorts of people I guess. My second reaction is where did jigaboos come from? It’s kind of a cool word in the same way gobbledygook is. The next nugget of goodness comes from our buddy David Duke:
“Obama will be a signal, a clear signal for millions of our people,” Duke wrote in an essay entitled “A Black Flag for White America” last week. “Obama is like that new big dark spot on your arm that finally sends you to the doctor for some real medicine. … Obama is the pain that let’s [sic] your body know that something is dreadfully wrong. Obama will let the American people know that there is a real cancer eating away at the heart of our country and Republican aspirin will not only not cure it, but only masks the pain and makes you think you don’t need radical surgery. … My bet is that whether Obama wins or loses in November, millions of European Americans will inevitably react with new awareness of their heritage and the need for them to defend and advance it.”
I actually like that visualization, except I think that George Bush has been the black mark for the last 8 years, but that’s just me. Anyways it’s good to know that white America is still being oppressed by the man. Wait, isn’t white America the man? so then they are oppressing themselves. You have got to hand it to white folks they got you coming and going. That’s why they are in charge, I mean who else could be calling the shots and simultaneously be crying foul? No one that’s who. Oh wait the Jews. Yeh I forgot about them. They are the only ones who are better at it then whites. That’s why all the white supremacists hate the Jews, because they control the whole world. Why does the sun rise? Jews. Why are there high gas prices? Jews. Why did my taco taste like crap? Jews. Other than the Jews, however, no one else has had the centuries of practice. Regardless, I hope all you neo-Nazis, white supremacists, klansmen, and anyone else I left out, all make time to vote Obama, in between sucking each other off, of course. Check the story here.
