Well this is it; the final list in my series on presidential nicknames. This one is reserved for the most badass nicknames. Not all of these presidents are military heroes (nor should they be), but they all have badass names for one reason or another. If you haven’t yet, you should read Part I and Part II first. Hopefully, this series has been as enjoyable for you to read as it was for me to write, and hopefully it has sparked in you some interest in history.
10. William Henry Harrison
Nicknames: “General Mum”, “Tippecanoe”, and “Washington of the West”.
Anytime that you get compared to George Washington you have to be doing something right. A tip of the ol’ cap to Harrison.
10. John Quincy Adams
Nicknames: “Old Man Eloquence” and “The Abolitionist”.
John Quincy Adams although alive during the founding era is not one of the founders. His time came a bit later. The scion of “His Rotundity” proved to have great eloquence and also character. He was an outspoken supporter of abolition in a time when it wasn’t exactly popular. Also for bonus points and real badassitude, legend has it that Adams didn’t take the oath of office on a Bible, but on a book of laws. Now that’s badass.
8. William Jefferson Clinton
Nicknames: “Bubba”, “The Comeback Kid”, “The First Black President”, “Slick Willie”, and “Teflon Bill”.
Slick Willie for somehow weaseling out of every single scandal that he was involved in and the Comeback Kid for some how always rehabilitating his image after said scandals. Aside from Nixon, Clinton probably is one of the most resilient presidents ever. Every year his presidency (and thereby himself), despite the scandals, looks better and better.
7. Theodore Roosevelt
Nicknames: “The Cyclone Assemblyman”, “The Hero of San Juan Hill”, “The Lion”, “Old Four Eyes”, “Theodore the Meddler”, “Teddy”, “TR”, “The Trust Buster”, and “Teedie”.
The Lion and The Hero of San Juan Hill are pretty fierce names for a dude with glasses thicker than Professor Farnsworth’s. Oh yeh and he was a weak, sickly kid with asthma who learned boxing and started a fitness regime to overcome his weakness. On top of that believed in the conservation of our natural resources and helped protect millions or acres of wildlife. He also didn’t let himself get punked by a bunch of plutocrats. Trust Buster indeed. On top of all of this he is the inspiration for the Teddy Bear, Bam! Bonus points for being the first president to go by his initials.
It’s time for round two of presidential nicknames. This time we move on to the funniest, most ironic (hence the hipster edition) nicknames. So these nicknames will be funny, or ironic, or both. Huzzah! If you haven’t done so yet read Part I.
10. Chester Alan Arthur
Nicknames: “Chet”, “Gentleman Boss”, “Prince Arthur”, “The Dude President”, and “Walrus”
The Dude President. I have a sneaking suspicion that Arty wasn’t really elected president. Instead it was one Chester Alan Arthur of Ohio. However, our Chester A. Arthur, from California, preferred drinking white russians whilst bowling. Unfortunately, he spent his entire presidency trying to get a new rug from the English PM after a couple of limey thugs peed on his (if you don’t get any of these references punch yourself in the face now). Also did anyone ever call him Chester the Molester? I dunno but that definitely would’ve made for a great attack ad.
9. John Adams
Nicknames: “The Colossus of Independence”, “The Duke of Braintree”, “King John the Second”, “Old Sink or Swim”, and “His Rotundity”.
Here we have one of the founders who accomplished a lot to bring America into being. He was also the second President of the United States, but he also spent more time on vacation on his farm in Quincy than actually presidenting. He spent more time on vacation than George W. Bush (and that’s saying something) Perhaps we should add “His Vationness” or “Vacation-in-Chief”. Of course Adams was also a colossal cock who rubbed everyone the wrong way (his own party didn’t even want to endorse him for a second term). Adams also was particularly fond of seemingly British titles and procedures, hence all the Dukes, Kings etc. in his nicknames, despite the fact that the US had just fought a war to get rid of a lot of that shit. He is a complete contradiction. Oh yah and he was fat. His Rotundity is one of my favorite nicknames ever.
8. Thomas Jefferson
Nicknames: “The Apostle of Democracy”, “The Man of the People”, “Mad Tom”, “The Negro President”, and “The Sage of Monticello”.
Jefferson the first President elected because of the three-fifths compromise hence The Negro President. Jefferson helped his own cause by fathering a horde of half black kids. Jefferson begins a string of presidents from the south (not all in a row) who get elected primarily because of slavery. The only reason he could be a sage was because he didn’t have to work. He had plenty of time to think and contemplate philosophy whilst his slaves did all his work. One of the few things that Jefferson ever let get in the way of all of his sageing was all the slave banging he did.
While reading Battle Cry of Freedom McPherson, at times, uses the nicknames of presidents. When I read a couple of these immediately a dim light bulb went off in my head and I thought “I should write a post about presidential nicknames”. Because I’m too lazy to do the research I am going to use this list from Wikipedia as my source, but because I am excited about the prospects of this post I have decided to turn it into a trilogy of posts (Huzzah!!). We have had 44 presidents so I figure I will keep the lists to 10 name plus some (dis)honorable mentions, which should pretty much take care of all the interesting ones. The rules for this exercise are fairly fluid but the main one is no president will be on two lists. If they have a good one and a bad one I will pick which ever I like the best or worst and go with that one. This list will be of worst presidential nicknames, with worst being defined in two ways. Either boring uninspiring names for boring uninspiring presidents or bad nicknames for presidents who should have fared better. Here now is my subjective list of the worst presidential nicknames:
10. Warren Gamaliel Harding
Nickname: “Wobbling Warren”
Not a name that helps inspire confidence.
9. John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Nicknames: “JFK”, “Jack”, and “The King of Camelot”
For all the bluster about the Kennedy years and how wonderful they were and how much JFK inspired the nation these are some pretty weak nicknames. And the whole Camelot meme is seriously worn out, especially as time drags on.
8. Andrew Johnson
Nickname: “The Tennessee Tailor”
Profession + State = boring and uninspiring. Johnson was the first President to be impeached. So hows about “Commander Impeach”.
7. Franklin Pierce
Nicknames: “The Fainting General”, “Young Hickory of the Granite Hills”, and “Handsome Frank”
There are many, many (you could say a plethora or myriad) attributes you would like your General or President to have. Fainting is not one of them. I see the situation playing out like this:
“General the enemy is coming.”
“OOOOH the enemy is coming!”
“General?!? General?!? Shit he fainted again. Sound the attack and carry the Generaless to her tent.”
Also I would say that “Handsome Frank” was probably a sarcastic nickname.
If I have said it once I have said it a million times YouTube is one of the biggest time vampires in my life. Sometimes I really don’t know how I get anything done at all. For instance, right now I should be wading my way through 70+ pages of notes and writing out practice essays for the big test on Friday, but instead I have been meandering my way through videos on YouTube. I just can’t help it sometimes I hit a good thread and just keep going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Here now are a couple of the gems that I found today (incidently I got started on this topic by finding this website that tracks TWSS comments over twitter). The first is every (almost) “That’s what she said” from The Office and the other one is some TWSS from the Star Wars trilogy. Maybe it’s just me but TWSS jokes never get old. It’s now time to go back to (or start) studying. It’s going to be hard, but I have to tear myself away from the interwebs. Enjoy.
Here is the last (for now) of Mr. Magness’ guest posts, with his best TV picks of the last year. Since I watch more TV than I do movies I will also add in a couple of my top picks at the end.
1. The Presidential Debates/Election with the Daily Show Commentary
Just like back in 2000 and 2004 Daily Show seems to cover politics the best throughout every Presidential Election. This year Jon Stewart and “The Best F*#@ing News team” would just tear any candidate a new one with great insight and impressive wit. It is great to have people like Jon Stewart around to call bullshit on everyone and anyone in the public spotlight who make fools of themselves. As a government teacher it is nice after reading and watching news all day from CNN, the Post, and our local paper to watch the Daily Show and get more truth then the rest combined. I can’t wait for 2012.
If the election had not happened this year this show would have easily been my number one new show of the year. This show is shot like the Office in documentary style and tells the story of three people at an Australian High School, Summer Heights High. Chris Lilly plays all the main characters to perfection and is the creator of the show. The characters are Mr. G (director of performing arts), Jonah (Puck you, Miss) and Ja’mie (Hot AIDS nurse). I put this show as amazing as Arrested Development and The Office on rewatchablity and just pure genius. From the moment you meet the characters you don’t even realize they are all played by the same actor. Lilly has an amazing story line and I hope we will see a lot more of him in the upcoming years.
It amazes how much I have fallen in love with this show over the course of three years. A couple years back Brooke’s brother Paul told us about this sitcom and how it was on before Two and a Half Men. Now I HATE/LOATHE Two and a Half Men and believed any show that is on near it would suck just as bad but this show has blossomed into one of the funniest and wittiest shows on TV today. I equate this to being a more modern FRIENDS type show with better story telling and better inside jokes. The story is based on a father telling his kids about the events leading up to how he met their mom but the show is much more then that. Also Peter Segal (Freaks and Geeks) and Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) are absolutely amazing and funny. Free episodes are after the link…
These 2 shows are put together as one for a very good reason…This is the best hour of television on every week. These comedies keep getting better every year and now 30 Rock is getting the acclaim it deserves. Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan are so funny and Tina Fey has really come into her own as an actress on the show. But The Office is no slouch either when it comes to comedy brilliance. Steve Carell is still up their as one of the best around because of his performance as Michael Scott. I wish he would be able to win some more awards for his spot on impression of stupidity with heart. What makes both these shows great is that they always live up to the hype that surround them every single Thursday.
(Because I am not a big fan of Alec Baldwin I refrained from watching 30 Rock so I have to thank Mr. Magness for enriching my life by almost forcing me to watch 30 Rock with his constant praise of the show. So thanks, now it’s one of my favorite shows and I can’t believe I wasn’t watching it. And I am starting to come around on Alec Baldwin.)
5. Lost
This show will always be in my top ten because it is the best drama on television every single year. If you have already tried to watch LOST and it wasn’t for you then there is not much I can say to convince other then YOU ARE MISSING THE BEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.PERIOD. (then why isn’t #1 you ask..because they make me wait 7 months at a time for a new season)
(I watched the first and part of the second season of this show and quit after I realized it was a pointless endeavor. In my opinion JJ Abrams is the hackiest hack in hackdom. I really hate his stuff and I refuse to watch anything that he is the creative force behind. I have so many issues with him and his shows but recounting them would take too much time and is not the topic of this post.)
I know I said this would be posted yesterday but things got in the way (drinking). However, it’s better late than never so here is Mr. Magness’ worst movies of the year. There might be some spoilers so you are forewarned.
1. Hancock
So Will Smith is officially put on notice by me. He is slowly putting out crap and we the public are acting like the movies are still decent. Take this pile shit about a superhero that doesn’t want to be a superhero. The story on paper looks great and the cast and director are all people I enjoy to see in movies but this movie was HORRIBLE! First the special effects are a joke. The CGI looks like they it was rushed and the story makes no sense whatsoever. Something about Will Smith and Charlize Theron in love for eternity but they cant be together because they make each other mortal so they fight in the middle of LA. The fact they want to make a sequel grosses me out and makes me realize Will Smith is in it for the money not for the art *P.S. Seven Pounds also sucked…what is with the damn jellyfish.*
(I completely agree with this even though I never saw the movie, because Will Smith has been dead to me for quite a while now. I always have trouble figuring out what his last good movie was.)
2. Tropic Thunder
Before you jump down my throat for this pick please hear me out. This movies joke about stars living out the movie got old..maybe 30 minutes in and we still had an hour and half left. Robert Downey Jr. was good and Danny McBride were great but the rest really did suck. The movie was so built up in my mind from everyone telling me how great it was that when I finally saw it I was unimpressed and saddened. Ben Stiller is funny but this movie is a one trick pony that tries too hard to have me care that Hollywood actors are idiots and assholes. I already knew that and I didn’t need a movie in the jungle to prove it. *P.S. Thought the Tom Cruise character was dumb and very unfunny…playa*
3. Vantage Point
So I go to this movie opening night for many reasons 1) The trailer for this movie looked great 2)Matthew Fox is in this movie 3) I can get sucked in to any thriller that looks half way decent. Sadly all these reasons were unjustified and we ended up watching a dumb predictable movie that was not entertaining, smart or even close to being a good movie. So Matthew Fox ends up being the secret bad guy who wants to kill the President and Dennis Quaid brings him down. There I just ruined a bad movie for you so you have no reason to see it. And I don’t feel sorry because you should be thanking me for saving 2 hours of your life. *P.S. Your Welcome*
Ok, I have been a bit remiss in blogging lately. I am trying to motivate myself for this last semester of school, studying for my comprehensive exams, looking for work and a job, and blogging. Unfortunately blogging has taken a bit of a hit lately, but hopefully I get in the groove soon and figure out how to balance everything out. That being said I am also pretty terrible at writing any type of favorite or year end lists, which brings me to this post. This is the first ever–and hopefully not the last–guest post. This is the first in a series of four favorite lists composed by Mr. Magness. Today’s list is Top 10 movies of 2008 (and spare me the whole “it’s too late for that it’s already February crap.” I’m a habitual procrastinator so deal with it, plus it’s better late than never). Seeing as how I rarely ever see movies in theaters (and the fact that I hate writing lists) I am ill-equipped to write up a list like this and defer to the knowledge and experience of Mr. Magness:
Mr. Magness
Another year and another drawn out list of my favorite movies, TV and books. Hopefully everyone enjoys it and hopefully this will spark some lively debate at home and through email. I have included the links to all the trailers for the best movies and television that I thought were great. If you pay close attention you will find 2, count them, 2 Sean William Scott movies in my top ten of the year. And the winners (OF NOTHING) are….
10. Burn After Reading
The new masterpiece from the Coen brothers was overlooked by critics but I think it is one of the best Coen brothers movies up there with Raising Arizona, Big Lebowski, and O’ Brother. It is amazing watching Clooney and Pitt dressed up and acting like such normal men and being able to act like such idiots and douches at the same time in this film. The characters that are in this movie perfectly embrace what it is to be the new version of an American moron. The whole movie revolves around a CD full of nothing and the desire for plastic surgery. It is very funny and is easily one of the best films of the year. http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/burnafterreading/
9. The Foot Fist Way
Danny McBride is the future of comedy and this movie should of launched his career but sadly not many people saw this little film. This movie is a story of an overweight Tae Kwon Do instructor in Minnesota. Not laughing yet…the main character is one of the most ridiculous humans alive and it follows his sad life even though he thinks his life is just Awesome!!!! Luckily Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, and Judd Apatow saw this film and put McBride in Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express (he was the best part of both movies). This has the humor of Napoleon Dynamite but of the R rated variety. Easily a movie that will become a cult hit and be quotable for years to come. http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_vantage/thefootfistway/
8. The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
The second best love story of the year and easily the most beautifully filmed movie of the year. This movie tells the story of a man who ages backwards and the struggles that come with any lifetime. This movie is a surprise from director David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven, last years Magness top ten Zodiac) but really captures everything that is pure and great concerning a love story. the film is almost 3 hours in running time but feels like it just flies by. Brad Pitt is good as Benjamin but his mom played by Tarjie Henson is absolutely amazing and she is well deserving of an Academy Award nomination. This movie leaves a Forrest Gump feeling in your heart by having us feel grateful we were able to take Button’s journey along side him. http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/thecuriouscaseofbenjaminbutton/
7. Frost/Nixon
Watching this movie by Ron Howard I was amazed how a simple interview could lead to such an intense political thriller. The movie is based around the interviews President Nixon had with David Frost a British journalist. Now the key word is BASED because it is not all fact but it sure makes for a great movie. The best parts are the interviews between Frank Langella (Nixon) and Michael Sheen (Frost) because of their chemistry and the noticeable tension that is built between them throughout the course of the film. It is well deserving of a Best Picture nod and is easily one of Ron Howard’s best movies. http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/frostnixon/
6. Slumdog Millionaire
The best love story of the year goes to this movie simply because I have never seen a movie quite like this movie. Who knew you could make such an intense, beautiful, devastating and romantic movie based around Who Wants to be a Millionaire? The story is told in flashbacks as a “slumdog” is answering questions on the game show. Every question is realized through the tragic events of the main characters life. Danny Boyle the director (Trainspotting, The Island) brings India to life in ways I have never seen before and really brings out the beauty that can be found any and everywhere. This movie is nominated for 10 Academy Awards and has a great chance of being this years Best Picture. http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/slumdogmillionaire/
