perpetual memory loss

I woke up this morning seriously pissed off.  I didn’t really know why, but I figured after a nice cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal I would be good.  Unfortunately, I was out of milk so no cereal, and I drank way too much coffee on an empty stomach so I was feeling queasy by the time I got to school for work.  Things spiraled down from there as I had a new project waiting for me at work which pisses me off because I seem to be the only research assistant that actually does research.  The rest just sit around doing their homework.  So I stayed grumpy and became even more irritable as the day wore on.

Ugly Baby Exhibit A

By the time I got home around 5pm I was bristling with anger, and I told neverbesocial that if there was a baby in front of me I would punch it in the throat.  (I have to clarify that statement, however, as most babies would probably melt my heart–like the sap I am–but I would have seriously thought about punching an ugly baby in the throat.)  Be that as it may I kept getting more angry because I couldn’t figure out why I was so angry all day long.  Then I took a look at my calendar and saw what day it was.  Today is March 19th and it is–along with the 20th–the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq.  I quickly realized that that was why I was pissed all day, even though I didn’t realize the significance of the day until after about 9 hours of being a real grinch.  I guess my body is just on its own program.

Like I said everything started to make sense after that, but I ended up getting more pissed off because I was thinking about how I hate these wars and how I can’t wait for them to be over and for the troops to come home.  I also was pissed at myself for being such a whiny complaining bitch because someone had the audacity to ask me to do my job, whilst there are other people over in Iraq and Afghanistan separated from their families performing a thankless arduous job.  I decided that it was time to hit the gym and go for a run to burn off all of my anger.  I went to the gym and really killed myself.  Running whilst angry is great; anger is one of the best motivators out there.  After a good two hours at the gym I was feeling really good and as I was walking home and just as I was getting ready to cross the street I noticed that there was like 3 cars at each stop sign waiting for me.  I figured I’d be a nice guy and jog across the street so that these people could get on their way quicker.  Bad idea.  This is the first time something like this has ever happened to me.  I took two steps and both legs cramped up and locked themselves in a bent position.  I came crashing down in the middle of the street in absolute anguish.  I managed to get up and hop to the sidewalk where I laid on the ground writhing for the next 5 minutes as cars drove by staring at me like I was a circus freak.  To make matters worse some people on the other side of the street were walking by and had seen the whole thing and were laughing their asses off.  Salt in the wound.

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I have some big changes coming up in my life over the next few months and I have been planning it all out trying to make sure that my transition from school to the job market goes as smoothly as possible in this crazy economic climate.  However, things are quickly unraveling.  Today, for example, was my big comprehensive final that I need to pass in order to graduate.  Well I did a little research found out all the ins & outs and created a strategy.  I decided to pick the three classes that went together–Colonial America 1600-1690, Colonial America 1690-1765, and American Revolution.  I figured I would study for those three classes write one enormous essay split it into three parts and then BAM! I’d be pretty much done.  Sounds like a good idea right?  Nope total fail.  You see even though they told me I would have a choice from all the classes I had taken they lied.  They threw me a nasty 12-6 curve ball and gave me a partial list of classes.  Once I read the questions and saw that my plan had gone awry my mind went blank and I stared at the computer blinking for the next 10 minutes.  I then looked to see if any of my current classes were on there since they were still fresh in my mind–negative on that point too.  (Funny thing was that the other person from the history department that took the test at the same time had all three of the questions that we had studied for plus questions from all his current classes.)   In anguish I looked over the list of questions again and saw that there were two questions I had studied for and the rest I hadn’t.  Most of the remaining questions were terrible and way too ambitious–on the teachers part–for me to answer cogently in an essay with the limited time I had.  So I decided to answer the Civil War question even though I really don’t remember much from the class.  Well to make a long story less long I somehow grinded out an essay (not very good ones mind you) for each question.  Some of you may say well that’s your fault for not studying for all of your classes, but while that may be true, I had a good strategy and the thought of studying for 10 classes over the last 2 years didn’t sound very appealing or a productive use of my time.  I figured better to know a few really well than all of them not very well at all.  Oh well I’ll find out soon enough it I scraped by.  So that was the first plan that went wrong.

My next plan was to spend this next week holed up in my hovel working on homework in an attempt to get ahead on my semesters workload–I have three research essays that I don’t have topics for never mind the books.  Novel idea for me since I always procrastinate and end up slammed at the end of the semester and well that is starting to get really old.  Besides along with my regular workload I have extra research work to do for teachers, I have to find a job, and a new place to live.  So it would definitely be a good idea to take this break to get ahead on everything so I’m not living in a box in a few months.  Well as luck would have it JetBlue was having some kind of blow out on tickets to Vegas.  I found a round trip ticket for $225 (how crazy cheap is that?) and decided to take advantage of it.  So there goes my plan of not procrastinating and putting my nose to the grindstone and getting some much needed work done.  Now I guess I can look forward to a long stressful last couple months of this semester.  I’m sure this will be an epic week in Vegas, and it’s a break that I do need, but keep your fingers crossed that it all works out and you don’t see me teaming up with a midget and dancing to Thriller in the subway.

My bags are packed and I am ready to go.  Tomorrow I will board one of those crazy Chinese buses and begin my last free weekend off before school starts.  I’m off to Washington D.C. to hang out with an ol’ friend who just happens to have a head the size of Mr. Met.  Don’t know how he walks without toppling over.  Anyways on the agenda for the weekend is hitting up the WWII Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, and to get seriously fucked up.  Hopefully I will have some crazy story to relate back to you all on my return.  If not I will be taking my handy-dandy notebook camera with me so regardless I should have some pics to post.  But for now with my bags packs and a big tall glass of Beam & Coke down the gullet I am ready to get to sleep.  I will be basically off the grid all weekend but I should be updating randomly on twitter so if you aren’t already following me now is the time.  C-ya all on the flip side.

I know I’ve been MIA lately but there is a good reason which I am going to explain.  I have been drinking a shit-ton of alcohol lately while I have been working through some notions that have been rolling through my dome-piece.  You see I have been feeling the itch lately (no not the VD itch) but the life itch.  Every once in awhile I start getting restless and where I feel like I am in need of a drastic change in life.  The last time I had this feeling I decided to join the Marine Corps and spent the next four years moving around the country and the world.  Additionally, over the past ten years I have lived in four different states and over ten different apartments.  I am just really restless and I am not sure why.

So why am I boring you with this?  I don’t actually know, but I do know that I haven’t been able to work the problem out via alcohol so I figured what the shit I’ll blog about it.  After writing up this blog though I decided to scrap it and not publish it as I felt it was maybe a bit too personal, and then I came back to it and decided to write it differently and to hell with it being to personal.  It doesn’t really matter anyways since most of you all don’t know me, and I figure maybe if I write it out this way–as a dialogue between the warring factions of my grape a la Fight Club–then maybe the issue will work itself out.  So here it goes this is basically the conversation that has been taking place, on a regular basis, in my alcohol fueled head over the last few months–and increasingly so lately:

“Self.”

“Yes, what do you want?”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“Oh don’t give me that ‘I’m fine’ crap.  Why you being such a sour Sally lately?”

“Why you being such an asshole?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Well, self, I dunno what’s wrong.  I just feel like I have to get out of here, you know, move on to greener pastures.”

“What’s wrong with where you’re at? school’s going good, you have a dope new TV, a good apartment, enough money.  From where I’m sitting (same place where you’re sitting btw) things look pretty damn sweet.”

“In a sense that is true, but I also feel the need to move on and do something with my life.  I’m starting to feel a little too comfortable here, and a big drastic change could be just what I need.”

“It could also be just what you don’t need; ever think of that?  Look you’ve been moving around quite a bit lately and it seems to me that every time you start to put down some roots somewhere you just decide to get up and leave starting the whole damn process over again.  Maybe what you really need is no change; just try to enjoy life.”

“I do enjoy life but I’m starting to feel that ol’ adventurous streak flare up again.  My life has become pretty normal and boring.  I thought I was done adventuring and maybe I am, but then again, maybe I’m not.”

“You know you’re fucking retarded right?”

“No need to get snippy.”

“Well you are.  What more do you need to do?  I mean look in just a bit over four years time you have gotten and BA and a Masters.  What else you need?  Is that not enough of an accomplishment for you?”

“No it’s not.  I need more.  I don’t feel like this is accomplishing anything.  Do you know how many people get degrees?  The unemployment lines are full of assholes who have degrees.  They don’t really mean that much.  I want to put my stamp on the world.”

“Jesus delusions of grandeur.  Here we go again, and I thought you were done with all that bs.  But no, you just can’t leave well enough alone can you?  Instead you get all these ideas floating around in your head and then you go and throw a monkey in the wrench.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.  How does one throw a monkey in a wrench?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Well you know what I’m thinking because, well, you’re me.”

“Still want to hear your dumb ass say it aloud.”

“Ok, look dick wad I just think about stuff a lot.  I think about where I’m going in this life and where I’ve been and I want to try and figure out which is the best avenue that I should pursue in the next section of my life.”

“I can’t believe that you are actually thinking that thought.”

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I was planning on writing this edition–previous editions here–of pet peeves on umbrellas and the people that use them.  They have really been pissing me off lately, but you will have to wait until the next edition for that one.  Today I frequented my local library to pick up some extra books for my research paper, and my ire over umbrellas has been superseded by my fury at the assholes who deface library books.

What?  Am I serious?  Yes I am.  Maybe it is because I am a nerd who likes to read, research, write, and all those things, or maybe it is because I respect public property.  You see library books belong to us all.  They are free of charge, and allow anyone to access knowledge to better themselves.  That’s the great thing about libraries.  The knowledge that resides inside them is accessible to anyone no matter what your educational or social standing may be.  The problem is that that only works if people respect the books, and treat them accordingly.  I can’t tell you how much this pisses me off, and it’s more than just writing juvenile words, like dick, or drawing inappropriate pictures, like dicks, inside books, and then laughing to your friends about how cool you are (seriously what is it with dicks that people feel compelled to write it or draw them everywhere).  Beyond being an idiot and writing or drawing those things in books there is another aspect of defacement.  Let me show you what I mean.  Here is a book I had to check out today on Alexander Hamilton, and American Foreign Policy.

These are three separate random pages pulled from a book that is covered front-to-back with similarly marked pages.  So what’s wrong with this?  Obviously the person thought that the information in the book was important and they marked it accordingly, right?  No and No.  It’s completely wrong, and now I’m going to give you all a short succinct primer on how books should be marked.  There is a standard decorum that should be followed by everyone who uses library books, and especially rare books and documents.

First off do not use pen–or any permanent marking instrument–when you are marking books, ever.  Now if you own the book I guess it’s ok, but even then I’d advise against it.  In case you forgot pens are permanent, and as such, permanently stain the books.  If you are going to make marks in a book use a pencil, and make light marks so that they can be erased.  This becomes even more important when marking in rare books and documents.  Let me repeat that again: DO NOT USE PENS. Pens are evil, and should never be used.  This rule applies to any marking tool that is permanent including highlighters.  Please stop using highlighters in books–especially the pink and blue ones.

Secondly, this douche-bag has decided to use a wide array of marks to connote the usefulness of a passage.  Let’s see, we have circles, ovals, underlines, strikethroughs, random rune looking characters, arcs, and probably even more that I missed.  This is all completely unnecessary.  I’m assuming that most, if not all, of the information in this book is important.  What you want to do is connote which information is applicable to your particular topic or argument.  To do this you do not need to make all kinds of crazy marks in the book.  It doesn’t make you look any smarter if you have all this crap all over the pages.  In fact, it makes it harder for anyone else to use the book after you making you look like a simpleton.  So what do you do then.  Well using a pencil you want to either lightly make small brackets around useful passages or lightly underline a specific sentence or phrase.  If it’s an important passage don’t underline the whole thing, even if you are using a pencil, that’s where the brackets come in.  That’s it.  It’s even acceptable to jot down a quick note in the margin, once again, in pencil.  That’s all you need to do. If you find that you can’t do your research or reading without all the crazy, extravagant marks, then grab a note book.  Then you can use a notebook while you are reading to write down page numbers, and anything else you need to write down to help you assimilate the information.

Lastly, these books are not work books, and deserve better than to be marked up like this.  I particularly don’t get the strikethroughs or crossing out entire words or sentences–something that I have seen way too much of lately.  If a sentence isn’t helpful or pertinent to you then don’t blight it from existence, because someone else might find it useful.  There is absolutely no need to ever scribble out words, phrases, and paragraphs.  Just don’t do it.  If you feel that you can’t abide by these rules, then don’t use the library, and go buy all your books, but don’t ruin it for those of us who need these books.

To sum up all the rules:

Do not under any circumstances use pens, highlighters, markers, or any other permanent marking instrument.

Do not extravagantly mark up the books.  Less is more.

Do not blight out words, phrases, and paragraphs.

Use pencils only, and mark lightly. Let me repeat that again, just in case you are slow,

USE PENCILS ONLY AND MARK LIGHTLY.

There you go, now you know all you need to know to correctly mark in books.

Thus endeth the lesson.

I was supposed to be working on finishing up my paper today that is due on the 11th (which should be a day off, but don’t get me started on that one).  Instead, however, I have been hanging out with my old friend procrastination.  This afternoon I spent a few hours playing Gears of War 2, and then I went for a walk grabbed a couple slices of pizza.  Lately I’ve been hanging out on the Internet looking at random shirts like this one.  I have also spent way too much time on YouTube watching videos like this one:

YouTube Direkt

or this one:

YouTube Direkt

or this one:

YouTube Direkt

I’m not sure what it is about monkeys or idiots hurting themselves, but damn do I enjoy watching them.  So much so that I’ve wasted hours watching random videos of monkeys doing all manner of silly shit.  The best part about monkeys is they don’t even have to be doing anything crazy, just watching monkeys on the Discovery channel cracks me up.  Monkeys, midgets, and Japanese game shows always make me laugh, and YouTube has a plethora of hilarious videos to keep me occupied and help me procrastinate.  Well time for another Rockstar, and then, hopefully, I will be able to get some work done, after I finish watching Saving Private Ryan that is.

I want to relate a story to you all that really pissed me off the other day.  I was in class getting ready to be bored out of my mind, and I was talking to some of the other students.  We were talking about how we had to turn in our paper on Nov. 11th.  It struck me that Nov. 11th is Veterans Day, and I thought aloud,

“You mean we get Columbus Day off, but we have to come in on Veterans Day?”

Everyone nodded that my assertion was right, and I kept talking about how messed up it was that we get a day off for a guy who paved the way for the genocide of countless Native Americans, but we don’t get the day off in remembrance of the many Veterans who have died in defense of our Country.

Now about half way through this rant, my teacher walked in listened a bit, then said,

“So what’s the big deal that you have to come in that day?”

I re-explained my argument, and said that on Veterans Day I usually like to drink.  She informed me I could still get drunk after class.

“Of course that’s true,” I said “but usually I like to get up fairly early, and start drinking some whiskey whilst listening to Johnny Cash.”

Ok so she rolls her eyes and makes some backhanded comment about me and alcohol, and like the reformed person I am, I let the shit roll off my back.  Before class finished, however, she dropped a couple more demeaning comments, basically saying that I’m an out-of-control alcoholic.  I left class irked, and went home and killed some people (video game people that is).  I figured that would be that, but a couple days ago in class she made, unprovoked, a few more comments about me and drinking; as a bonus she also took a shot at my paper topic (video games), and made a crack about my writing style.

(What I don’t get is: how does me having a tradition of drinking on one particular day make me an alcoholic? if it did does that give someone the right to talk smack?  I’m just trying to figure out where the logic is in her assault on me.  I don’t get it, but back to the story.)

By that time my blood pressure was boiling, and I channeled my inner Bruce Banner and quelled the hulk that lies within.  I guess this is all part of me trying to be less confrontational, and all that shit, but goddamn I would really like to rail into this biotch.  The other problem is that she is the vindictive sort, and I know she would use her ‘power’ as a teacher to knock my grade down.  Right now I’m sporting a 3.97 GPA, and I would like to keep it there, and not have it knocked down on a technicality.  Now I’m not going to take this laying down, I’ve already rounded up a few troops, and most likely after the semester a few of us will make a complaint to the department.  Oh yeah, forgot to mention that I’m not the only one she talks down to.  I think this chic has major confidence issues or something.

I have been really busy lately, and especially this weekend working on some papers for school.  I will attempt to get back to a more regular blog posting schedule, hopefully, this week.  On another note, I have drank so much Rockstar this weekend I think my piss has gone nuclear.  So if you see a mushroom cloud in the NY area, don’t worry I am just taking a piss.

I am currently doing research for a paper that will talk about the history and impact of id Software, and more specifically DOOM, on culture.  In working on finding academic sources I stumbled upon the site how they got game, which is maintained by Stanford University.  There is a lot of cool stuff there, and it is encouraging to see a major University look into the larger impact that games have had, and not just treat it as something trivial that only greasy nerds participate in.  If you have time check out the site; it’s well worth you’re time.

They have a whole section devoted to machinima, which is where I found this video.  A student made a short video about the Holocaust using Halo 3.  It’s a good video, and worth a few minutes of your time.

Can you spare some change?

This morning when I woke up I opened up (figuratively) the morning paper to see what the hell is going on in this crazy world of ours.  When lo and behold I see that there was some craziness that went down at St. John’s University here in NY.  If you don’t know St. John’s is a Catholic University, and yesterday one of the Chaplains was arrested for sending smut to what he thought was a 13 year old boy.  (Side note it would have been much cooler for him to get caught on the show To Catch A Predator.)  Money quote:

When NYPD investigators showed up at the cleric’s on-campus apartment in Murray Hall yesterday, Plock argued that he sent his X-rated videos only to consenting adults, a law enforcement source said.

“His face is clear in the video. It looks like he filmed it in his bathroom at St. John’s, and he sent it to someone he thought was a teenager,” the source said.

Damn this stuff doesn’t really surprise me much any more, and instead of making some kind of cheap joke about priests and little boys (way too easy to do, and I like my jokes to be a bit more challenging).  Instead I will take this opportunity to throw down a bit of history.

In case you don’t know celibacy among priests was a personal choice, and was not a mandated by the church.  The push for a mandate for celibacy among the clergy began in AD 304 at the Council of Elvira, however, it wasn’t until the Lateran Council in 1139 that The Church really endorsed and enforced the rule.  It is impossible to know whether there were problems among the clergy after this with homosexuality and pedophilia, but some saw a link between celibacy and these behaviors:

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