Around about a year ago, I was getting ready to go to my company’s holiday party. I was assured that there would be a plethora of booze there and I was not disappointed. As is my usual standard operating procedure I started to drink–a lot. Never in my wildest dreams would I have believed that later that night I was going to be seduced by a younger woman.
However, life is full of surprises and I was surprised when a young, Irish lass escorted me back to my house to engage in bit of race defilement. It all started because we were liquored up and she is an eternal optimist who is ready for any sexy situation (wink, wink). Anyways here we are a year later, but more importantly a good year later (except for your profligate use of utensils, glasses, paper towels, and your refusal to refill the Brita after filling one of your many cups of water). So this video best encapsulates the beginnings of our relationship. Here’s to yet another year of me robbing the cradle.
Yesterday I awoke bright and early and immediately turned on my Xbox so I could download the new GTA IV DLC: The Lost and Damned. (I never realized how long it takes to download 1.7 gigs of content. It must have taken me at least 3 hours.) Once it finished downloading, however, I jumped right in and started it up. I got in about an hours worth yesterday before class, a few hours after class, and most of the day today (I finished up the main storyline today). All told I have 11 hours of game play and I am at 71% completion. So is it worth the $20 (1600 MS points)? Personally, I think it was definitely worth the money, but then again I really like GTA IV.
The Lost and Damned follows the story of Johnny Klebitz the Vice President of The Lost Motorcycle Club. The story is vintage Rockstar complete with crooked politicians, drugs, sex, the Mafia, and everything else we have come to expect from a good GTA game. Although Johnny’s story is new it does take place at the same time as the events of the original GTA IV. So you will see some familiar faces and you will play a couple missions from the original except you will play from Johnny’s perspective instead of Niko’s (this helps flesh out some of the details from the original without coming off as cheap or lazy). This all leads to a rewarding gaming experience. Although the main story is only 10+ hours long there are still plenty of other things to do. There are gang wars, 12 new races, sea gull killing, and other side missions that Rockstar has put in. So there is plenty more game play past the main storyline–as long as you’re the type of gamer that likes doing side missions. By the way the motorcycle races are loads of fun. Racing a bunch of other chumps and then bashing them with an aluminum bat as you pass them by never gets old. Speaking of bikes I rarely rode them in the original, and this game forces you to ride a chopper (obviously), but after a couple missions on the bike it felt like an old friend, and I really enjoyed riding it around. It’s way easier to lose the cops on a bike, but you can’t pick up hookers on a bike (but you can still blast them with a shotty haha).
I think the shortness of the game adds to its single-player re-playability, and I will probably play it again sometime soon. There are three missions in particular that are extremely fun to play and worth the price of admission in and of themselves. On top of that it there are new multi-modes. So a good story complete with humor, intrigue, drugs, and sex; and the over-the-top violence of giving some chump the ol’ shotgun blast to the mug equals a kick ass gaming experience. I forgot how much I enjoyed rampaging around Liberty City. Thank you Rockstar!
Now check out some screen shots, then go download this add-on, and then start blasting away at some chumps:
This morning when I woke up I opened up (figuratively) the morning paper to see what the hell is going on in this crazy world of ours. When lo and behold I see that there was some craziness that went down at St. John’s University here in NY. If you don’t know St. John’s is a Catholic University, and yesterday one of the Chaplains was arrested for sending smut to what he thought was a 13 year old boy. (Side note it would have been much cooler for him to get caught on the show To Catch A Predator.) Money quote:
When NYPD investigators showed up at the cleric’s on-campus apartment in Murray Hall yesterday, Plock argued that he sent his X-rated videos only to consenting adults, a law enforcement source said.
“His face is clear in the video. It looks like he filmed it in his bathroom at St. John’s, and he sent it to someone he thought was a teenager,” the source said.
Damn this stuff doesn’t really surprise me much any more, and instead of making some kind of cheap joke about priests and little boys (way too easy to do, and I like my jokes to be a bit more challenging). Instead I will take this opportunity to throw down a bit of history.
In case you don’t know celibacy among priests was a personal choice, and was not a mandated by the church. The push for a mandate for celibacy among the clergy began in AD 304 at the Council of Elvira, however, it wasn’t until the Lateran Council in 1139 that The Church really endorsed and enforced the rule. It is impossible to know whether there were problems among the clergy after this with homosexuality and pedophilia, but some saw a link between celibacy and these behaviors:
Comedian Doug Stanhope has a new project, namely saving Bristol Palin from a dreary life in a loveless marriage. He has established a fund for her so that she can emancipate herself from her parents, and do what she wants with her life. Money quote:
Rather than sit back and impotently bemoan Bristol’s tragic, lonely circumstance, it is time for us – the silent majority – to unite behind this poor, imprisoned woman and save her from both a tyrannical household as well as the horrible nightmare of a forced childbirth.
These are not empty words. I, Doug Stanhope, am offering you, Bristol Palin, the sum of 25,000 dollars so that you can abort your child and move out of that draconian home. I have also set up a PayPal link so that others around the world can help increase this amount to ease the burden of starting out on your own at such an early age.
Check out the rest of the site here. In the event that Bristol doesn’t take him up on his generous offer, he will be giving the money to some other under-privileged teenager. While you are there peruse the guestbook. Abortion rights make people crazy, and it’s fun to read the back and forths.
Next week the new Spaceballs: The Animated Series will premiere on G4 TV. And just to sweeten the pot both Mel Brooks and Daphne Zuniga will be returning to lend their voices. It’s curious that Bill Pullman and Rick Moranis aren’t reprising their roles, seeing as they haven’t been busy for, oh, about 10 years. Here’s a clip from the episode Spidermawg (half man, half dog, and half spider), now go set your DVR’s to record.
Here is the trailer for Kevin Smith’s new movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Personally I’m a big fan of Kevin Smith. I thought Clerks 2 was his best movie. It seemed like he was able to turn a corner, in Clerks 2, as a writer/director. He was able to blend the crude dialouge, he is known for, with a romantic sentimentality much better than in his previous movies. It also didn’t hurt that Rosario Dawson is pure awesomeness. Anyways here is the redband trailer for Zack and Miri.
The McCain campaign seems hell-bent on continuing their fallacious attacks against Obama. It’s one thing to bring up policy differences and debate the validity of differing ideologies, but McCain doesn’t seem to want to do that. Instead he has decided to employ Rovian tactics of lying with the hopes that if it is said enough and with enough conviction people will believe it is true. His new ad attacking Obama for wanting to teach kindergartners about sex is just that, an outright lie. Here is the link to FactCheck.org article that calls out McCain.
Here is a story from Obsidian Wings, showing a comic book used by the Boy Scouts to help young kids understand what inappropriate touching is. Same thing the bill Obama voted for was meant to do.
Ok there has been a derth of funny quotes from Overheard In NY lately, but this week there were quite a few good ones. Here are my favorites:
Crazy guy to suit: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. Suit: Get the fuck away from me before I stab you.
–D Train
Mother of four-year-old boy (looking at display case): Wait up for me, Jack. Don’t go on the escalator without me. Four-year-old boy: It’s okay, I can do it. Mother of four-year-old: No, Jack. Wait for me. Four-year-old boy: It’s okay, mom. I can go up by myself. Mother of four-year-old: Jack. Don’t go up without me. Four-year-old boy: Mom. It’s okay. I can do it. I’m wearing my lucky Batman underwear.
–Macy’s
Lady in car at full parking lot to man in car: Damnit, where we gonna park? Man, getting his keys: Don’t worry, I’m going to pull out. Lady in car: Yeah, I’ve heard that before.
–W Broadway &Canal
(day after steam pipe break)
Cop without respiratory mask to cop wearing respiratory mask: Hey…take that off. If you’re going to catch anything, you already caught it. Cop with mask (as he takes it off): Yeah, from your mom!
–Grand Central Terminal
Dude: So I finally saw Lisa’s* tits. Good stuff, man. Friend: Yeah? Are they big? Dude: Not at all. But it’s better that way. A handful is enough. Friend: So it’s like nuts? Dude: What the fuck? Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong! Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.
–67th & Columbus
And my absolute favorite one:
Female lawyer: Did you see that video where that girl from South Carolina was asked why Americans can’t read maps? Male lawyer: Yeah, she was a teenage beauty contestant. I tell you, I’ve heard drunk girls with two dicks in their mouth make more sense than that bitch. Female lawyer: Don’t call her a bitch. She was probably just nervous. Male lawyer: Excuse me, she’s a beauty contestant. The only difference between a beauty contestant and an inflatable doll is where you blow into them. Female lawyer: Excuse me, but I was in a few beauty contests when I was a teenager. Male lawyer: Really? So tell me, why can’t Americans read maps?
Ok so I’m drunk, but I just randomly hooked up with this chica that told me I have an accent of a “super white boy.” Well that is the first time someone has ever told me that before. She acted like being a New Yorker was akin to being God’s gift to the Earth, and that I wasn’t a true New Yorker. Funny that even though I wasn’t a “real New Yorker” she enjoyed the fruit of my looms haha. Whatever I really don’t care I just find the hypocrisy he-fucking-larious. She can pretend what she wants, but in truth she knows that she wanted the kilbasa, and if I was a bit sluttier I could’ve bent her over a stool and fucked the shit out of her–literally.
I found this blog today and I must say it is definitely one of the crazier blogs I have ever encounter. It’s a blog of some anonymous 23 year old girl who is recounting her experience from pregnancy to abortion. It’s a pretty dark subject to blog about, but it is fairly interesting and depressing at the same time. Far be it from me to be judgemental, but I wonder how it is she got pregnant. She doesn’t write about a boyfriend so it makes me think that maybe she is just a party girl that has been trolling the bars, and woke up one morning pregnant. Or maybe she didn’t give him a hand in the decision making process. Whatever side of the argument you fall on on the abortion issue it is compelling reading. Mostly because it is not a blog about trying to make a decision between birth and pregnancy, that decision has already been made, and the fate of the fetus is sealed. Anyways check it out here.
