perpetual memory loss

Not it!!

This week I have been fairly obsessed with the Penn State story. I even spent some time today reading through the Grand Jury report, which is worth the read–if you can stomach it. I have been floored by the absolutely tone deaf responses from so many people.  Students rioting at Penn State to support JoePa? Pundits worrying about how this will affect the football program? What about his legacy? People rushing to protect and defend those in high places, the very people who don’t need defenders. Here’s a sampling of some tweets from members of the team via deadspin:

Sick. Just sick.

I’m honestly sick to my stomach

This is almost like a modern day crucifixion

Smh all he has done for this program and then they turn on him

Disgusting

It’s good to see these football players have their priorities…wait what? Fuck, you mean, they’re not upset that the institution they are part of covered up for one of their own when he raped a child in the showers? or forced children to give him bj’s also in said shower? Nope, amazingly they are upset because the glorious leader JoePa was fired over the phone. A man who was praised far and wide by the sporting world for him commitment to leadership and honor turned out to be a fucking coward and fraud. In all this people keep forgetting that a child of 10 years old was raped by a man 5x his age. And that’s just one of a few that we actually know about.

The fact that people can witness or know about this or even suspect that children are being taken advantage of and not do anything is tragic beyond words. Throughout the Grand Jury report you can see time after time how people see or know something bad is going on and do nothing. They pass the buck to someone else (like that soulless ginger, shit heel McQueary, or the false idol JoePa, or any of the other assholes involved in this) and think their job is done or they do nothing. It takes a special kind of spineless, gutless, fucking coward to not stick up for a child in situations like this; sweeping it all under the rug–nothing to see here folks move along.

This is what happens when people think that the rules don’t apply to them, when they have gotten comfortable with their elevated positions and think that nothing can take them down. All too often these days we see the so called elites of our society engage in behavior that is reprehensible and all too often they end up not facing any consequences. I could give a shit about Penn State or their athletics. If I had graduated from there I would be immensely embarrassed right now. A pox on JoePa and his fucking legacy. If there is any justice his, and all those who were complicit, will have their remaining years filled with as much sadness, anguish, and regret as their prior years were filled with happiness and hero worship. They will all get their day in court to explain how and why they didn’t feel the need to do anything, but I will always condemn them as spineless cowards. You can say well you don’t know how you would act in that situation if that was you. But I can tell you absolutely that I do know. There is no way in fucking hell I would not act in a situation like that. None whatsoever.

Bystanderism infects our world. Too often people stand idly by, silent, as people around them–in their schools, workplaces, and communities–are bullied, sexually harassed, degraded, abused etc. Instances like this should be a clarion call for those of us who are willing to stand for those that are voiceless. To help remind us that remaining silent is not an option. None of us by ourselves can stop a genocide or change the world. We can, however, make lives better one by one by standing up and speaking out for those who need help or support.

One last point. For those of you praying for the victims. Stop it. They don’t need your prayers, they need people who aren’t apathetic. Besides if you believe in an all-knowing, all-seeing, omnipotent, personal loving god who will allow this like this to happen, then you’re a fool. This god who is master of the universe but somehow gets his ass handed to him daily by satan is a pretty shitty god. Quit praying and start acting. Be a better person and don’t be a bystander, that’s the one thing we can all work on and endeavor to be better at.

–

(photo via firstthings.com)

Yesterday I spent a good part of my afternoon watching the coverage of the assassination attempt of U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords.  Obviously a ridiculously awful event that as it gets sorted out of the next few weeks I am sure will get even worse.  (Hopefully the fact that she’s Jewish didn’t factor into her being a target.  Although the fact that the kid was a fan of Mein Kampf and Hitler doesn’t bode well.)  This kid has serious problems and as time goes on the missed warning signs are going to become even more blatant with hindsight.  However, I want to talk about something that happened at the beginning of the event right as media and individuals were trying to deal with the events that had just occurred.  One of Rep. Giffords friends was on the phone with CNN and stated that she heard the shooter was “an Afghan Veteran.”  The commentator corrected here saying, “you mean, a Afghanistan War Veteran?”  To which she replied “Yes,” and it was left at that.  The shooter was a veteran.

Of course that was speculation and hearsay and it has come forward that the shooter is not a veteran or even someone with military training.  He’s someone who looks to have mental problems and is probably not affiliated with either party.  My problem is that the speculation that this person was a veteran of Afghanistan (or Iraq) was seen as totally plausible.  CNN and the interviewee did not mind blatantly throwing veterans under the bus by inferring that only a deranged veteran would do something like this.

The problem as I see it is that we have this meme that veterans are crazy, unstable people.  We venerate them out of one side of our mouth and out of the other we infer that they are not mentally stable and are prone to flipping out and going crazy.  This is something that I have been personally affected by and it is one of the reas0ns why when I meet people for the first time I don’t tell them I am a veteran.  People automatically assume that you are a bit off if you are a veteran.  It’s an unfair assumption and one that does further damage by perpetuating the stigma that is attached to PTSD.  This stigma only means that those with it are less likely to seek out help, increasing the likelihood that they are going to have to struggle through life by themselves without seeking help.  This in part explains why suicide is so high among veterans.

This idea of veterans being highly unstable is further perpetrated by Hollywood and their portrayal of veterans, which in many situations is unfavorable.  Movies like Rambo, Brothers, The Hurt Locker, and others show veterans that are detached, unprofessional, and on the verge of going completely insane at any time, for any reason.  Also to blame is the lack of care that veterans of the Vietnam War were given, and the fact that many veterans from that war are still struggling to come to grips with what has happened to them.  It is over 30 years since that war has ended and many of those veterans have been struggling with these issues on their own without the help of medical professionals, family, or friends because of the stigma that is attached to PTSD.

People tend to think that people with PTSD are unsettled and incapable of taking care of themselves.  It’s like we sit around in a pile of our own feces throwing it at people all day long.  The reality of PTSD is that the things that most people take for granted we struggle with e.g. sleep.  Day in, day out certain parts of life that most people have no trouble with we have to work a little harder (and sometimes a lot harder) at.  However, everyday we get up go to our jobs or school and work just as well–and many times better–than others.  We take care of and look out for our loved ones more than others because we understand the fragility of life and how fortunate we are to still be around.  For every one veteran that has a problem and gets in trouble there are thousands who–even though they have problems–are working through them and still are contributing to society at the highest levels.  It’s unfortunate that we think that the one is normal and to be expected whilst the thousands are thought to be rare.  Maybe that is why while gay jokes and racial jokes are not acceptable in many arenas–like workplaces–it still is completely acceptable to make these kind of statements about veterans (and don’t think that this is a random statement not based in fact.  This is a statement I make knowing that it is true because of the experiences I and others I know have had).

So the next time you meet a veteran instead of treating them like a rabid monkey try treating them like a normal person because that is what we are.  While you are at it instead of watching some ridiculous movie take the time to watch something like Restrepo.  There you are going to see that veterans are not crazy, but just regular people who performed extraordinary acts in extreme conditions; people who are just looking to restart their life and keep doing the things that many people take for granted.  If you’re feeling particularly gracious or pro-active support organizations like IAVA and The Wounded Warrior Project.  Those organizations are working to ensure that the politicians that sent us to war keep their promises and give us the care we need now that we are home.  They also help veterans out on a more personal level.  Hopefully, in time as people become more educated we will begin to see these issues in a new light and the stigma that is now attached to them will start to fade away, and also, let’s try not to jump to conclusions so quick–especially in situations like this.

I have always been fairly open on this site writing about my life and occurrences that happen to me–whether good or bad–and that will continue. Beware this post is only for those of you who like drama. So the latest drama-rama to come into my life happened yesterday and it all started with a self-deprecating facebook post:

Sometimes I amaze myself with my nerdiness.

It seems innocent enough and I totally though it was. However it was an impetus for all that was to come. What happened next was completely unexpected. My brother’s ex commented thusly:

…we are all amazed by it! XO ***** takes after you so much. You have no idea how much!!

I replied that yes I did teach that person a lot about how to be a nerd to which she responded:

Yes you did…you really did. She LOVEs you with all of her perfect heart. I have HUNDREDS of cards, drawings, paintings, and many many more things she has made with such care for her Uncle *****. It will be so much fun going through all that some day. Let us know next time your in town, we would love to take you nerds to dinnner.

Dinner with his ex?

Sure why wouldn’t I go to dinner with her and ****?

hmmmm.. I wonder! I guess your brother doesn’t mean very much to you.

Haha well I guess it’s a good thing I have you around to tell me what I feel, btw nice try with the guilt trip.

I guess I know now what kind of person you REALLY are!

I just thought that your brother meant something to you. Obviously you don’t remember all the things that happened. I can see why **** feels like he doesn’t have a family except for the girls and me. That’s too bad. My brother recently got divorced for the same reasons and I would never in a million years have a relationship with her. I see my niece and nephew through my brother, not his ex. It is just messed up.

 

Omg dramatic much. Don’t even pretend to tell me how I feel about my brother or my family because you are clueless to that fact. And I didn’t realize I had to get my contact list approved by both of you. If you have a problem with me talking to her tough shit. If matt has a problem with it he can talk to me. Otherwise I’m just not going to allow you to dictate who I talk to or how I “supposedly” feel about ****. And on last thing ***** don’t you ever fucking presume you know what type of person I am because you have no idea.

Okay, first of all, I am pretty sure I know exactly the type of person you are. Secondly, I am not trying to DICTATE to you who you can and can not talk to. There is a code on how you should treat your family members. The way **** is being treated by you and your family is ridiculous and it shows how you view **** as a brother. **** always told me stories about the loyalty that you guys as a family had, and I absolutely do not see it AT ALL! Family doesn’t treat family this way. I am not pretending to know how you feel about your brother, from this point of view it sure as hell looks like you don’t think much of him. I hope this is not true and I hope you and him remain close. I just think maybe you should look at it from another persons point of view, or are you too good to do that?

Well don’t act like you’re the only one that cares about ****. I do too but I also live my life how I choose and I don’t need anyone to look down their nose at me and the choices I make.

 

Well, that’s fine, but you may loose family over choices. There are consequences for the way you treat someone. So, I guess if you having a relationship with your brother’s ex wife is more important, that is your choice to make and I can’t say or do anything about it. But it is also my choice not to have people like that in my life. As far as I go, I would rather not talk to you. **** on the other had, I don’t know how he feels, he can make his own choices.

 

Wow it’s amazing how it went from me being civil to someone to now I’m having a relationship with her. I had no idea it was that serious between us. How about you quit acting like a child and judging everyone? If you don’t want to talk to me over something so trivial that’s fine. I don’t need such petty childish people in my life. And I still haven’t heard anything from my brother so I wonder why the fuck you are instigating and trying to drive a wedge between us? Do you get off on creating soap opera like drama? Maybe you should find a more productive and life affirming hobby.

 

Whatever. You just keep convincing yourself of your perfectness. **** will make his own decision and I speak up for what I believe in.

 

Wow I can’t believe you unfriended me that’s really lame but whatever. Look I don’t know why everything has to be black and white for you. Just because I’m civil to her does not mean I’m disloyal to my brother it just means that I don’t feel like carrying a grudge agaisnt her for my whole entire life, and here you are creating even more problems by making a big deal out of the fact that I’m nice to her. I don’t know what your deal is and why you feel that you have to push people away because of that. It probably has more to do with your own insecurities than anything else. I will always love my brother and will always be loyal to him but I’m not going to spend my whole life being bitter about something that happened a long time ago, and quite frankly it’s between them and not me. So here we are now with you acting all immature about this and trying to drive a wedge between ****and me. We are left with a few choices either you grow up and we all move on, you pretend this never happened and we go our seperate ways, or you talk to **** about this and ge gets in touch with me. Unless he has recently been struck deaf, dumb, blind, and mute I expect to hear from him on this. I’m done arguing with you over something so inane via email. I hope for all the best for you all but I won’t be responding to anymore of your emails. Like I said if **** has a problem with this I should hear it from him and not you.

Hey, if I overstepped my bounds, I am sorry. I just care so deeply about **** and I really hate seeing him get hurt, it kills me. 

 SO I’m not sure what the whole point of this exercise has been except for hoping that one of my 3 readers may have some insight to help me out or maybe tell me how I could’ve proceeded differently. Who knows at this point if I will ever talk to my brother again considering that the succubus now controls or has access to all modes of communication with him. All I know is I’m drinking a lot this weekend.

HBO has had quite a few shows lately dealing with the war in Iraq, and they have all been well done and even-handed.  Taking Chance is the newest HBO film that revolves around the Iraq war, and like the others it is non-political and just tells the true story of one Marine escorting another Marine home.  I don’t want to try and deconstruct this film like some film nerd, instead I will just say that it is well worth your time.  I watched it last night–instead of the craptastic Oscars–and it was an emotional movie.  If you can watch this film without tearing up then you must not have a soul or maybe you’re just a cynical hippie (or both).  Anyways watch the trailer then check it out:

I know I said this would be posted yesterday but things got in the way (drinking).  However, it’s better late than never so here is Mr. Magness’ worst movies of the year.  There might be some spoilers so you are forewarned.

1. Hancock

So Will Smith is officially put on notice by me. He is slowly putting out crap and we the public are acting like the movies are still decent. Take this pile shit about a superhero that doesn’t want to be a superhero. The story on paper looks great and the cast and director are all people I enjoy to see in movies but this movie was HORRIBLE! First the special effects are a joke. The CGI looks like they it was rushed and the story makes no sense whatsoever. Something about Will Smith and Charlize Theron in love for eternity but they cant be together because they make each other mortal so they fight in the middle of LA. The fact they want to make a sequel grosses me out and makes me realize Will Smith is in it for the money not for the art *P.S. Seven Pounds also sucked…what is with the damn jellyfish.*

(I completely agree with this even though I never saw the movie, because Will Smith has been dead to me for quite a while now.  I always have trouble figuring out what his last good movie was.)

2. Tropic Thunder

Before you jump down my throat for this pick please hear me out. This movies joke about stars living out the movie got old..maybe 30 minutes in and we still had an hour and half left. Robert Downey Jr. was good and Danny McBride were great but the rest really did suck. The movie was so built up in my mind from everyone telling me how great it was that when I finally saw it I was unimpressed and saddened. Ben Stiller is funny but this movie is a one trick pony that tries too hard to have me care that Hollywood actors are idiots and assholes. I already knew that and I didn’t need a movie in the jungle to prove it. *P.S. Thought the Tom Cruise character was dumb and very unfunny…playa*

3. Vantage Point

So I go to this movie opening night for many reasons 1) The trailer for this movie looked great 2)Matthew Fox is in this movie 3) I can get sucked in to any thriller that looks half way decent. Sadly all these reasons were unjustified and we ended up watching a dumb predictable movie that was not entertaining, smart or even close to being a good movie. So Matthew Fox ends up being the secret bad guy who wants to kill the President and Dennis Quaid brings him down. There I just ruined a bad movie for you so you have no reason to see it. And I don’t feel sorry because you should be thanking me for saving 2 hours of your life. *P.S. Your Welcome*

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Ok, I have been a bit remiss in blogging lately.  I am trying to motivate myself for this last semester of school, studying for my comprehensive exams, looking for work and a job, and blogging.  Unfortunately blogging has taken a bit of a hit lately, but hopefully I get in the groove soon and figure out how to balance everything out.  That being said I am also pretty terrible at writing any type of favorite or year end lists, which brings me to this post.  This is the first ever–and hopefully not the last–guest post.  This is the first in a series of four favorite lists composed by Mr. Magness.  Today’s list is Top 10 movies of 2008 (and spare me the whole “it’s too late for that it’s already February crap.”  I’m a habitual procrastinator so deal with it, plus it’s better late than never).  Seeing as how I rarely ever see movies in theaters (and the fact that I hate writing lists) I am ill-equipped to write up a list like this and defer to the knowledge and experience of Mr. Magness:

Mr. Magness

Another year and another drawn out list of my favorite movies, TV and books. Hopefully everyone enjoys it and hopefully this will spark some lively debate at home and through email. I have included the links to all the trailers for the best movies and television that I thought were great. If you pay close attention you will find 2, count them, 2 Sean William Scott movies in my top ten of the year. And the winners (OF NOTHING) are….

10. Burn After Reading

The new masterpiece from the Coen brothers was overlooked by critics but I think it is one of the best Coen brothers movies up there with Raising Arizona, Big Lebowski, and O’ Brother. It is amazing watching Clooney and Pitt dressed up and acting like such normal men and being able to act like such idiots and douches at the same time in this film. The characters that are in this movie perfectly embrace what it is to be the new version of an American moron. The whole movie revolves around a CD full of nothing and the desire for plastic surgery. It is very funny and is easily one of the best films of the year.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/burnafterreading/

9. The Foot Fist Way

Danny McBride is the future of comedy and this movie should of launched his career but sadly not many people saw this little film. This movie is a story of an overweight Tae Kwon Do instructor in Minnesota. Not laughing yet…the main character is one of the most ridiculous humans alive and it follows his sad life even though he thinks his life is just Awesome!!!! Luckily Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, and Judd Apatow saw this film and put McBride in Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express (he was the best part of both movies). This has the humor of Napoleon Dynamite but of the R rated variety. Easily a movie that will become a cult hit and be quotable for years to come.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_vantage/thefootfistway/

8. The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

The second best love story of the year and easily the most beautifully filmed movie of the year. This movie tells the story of a man who ages backwards and the struggles that come with any lifetime. This movie is a surprise from director David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven, last years Magness top ten Zodiac) but really captures everything that is pure and great concerning a love story. the film is almost 3 hours in running time but feels like it just flies by. Brad Pitt is good as Benjamin but his mom played by Tarjie Henson is absolutely amazing and she is well deserving of an Academy Award nomination. This movie leaves a Forrest Gump feeling in your heart by having us feel grateful we were able to take Button’s journey along side him.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/thecuriouscaseofbenjaminbutton/

7. Frost/Nixon

Watching this movie by Ron Howard I was amazed how a simple interview could lead to such an intense political thriller. The movie is based around the interviews President Nixon had with David Frost a British journalist. Now the key word is BASED because it is not all fact but it sure makes for a great movie. The best parts are the interviews between Frank Langella (Nixon) and Michael Sheen (Frost) because of their chemistry and the noticeable tension that is built between them throughout the course of the film. It is well deserving of a Best Picture nod and is easily one of Ron Howard’s best movies.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/frostnixon/

6. Slumdog Millionaire

The best love story of the year goes to this movie simply because I have never seen a movie quite like this movie. Who knew you could make such an intense, beautiful, devastating and romantic movie based around Who Wants to be a Millionaire? The story is told in flashbacks as a “slumdog” is answering questions on the game show. Every question is realized through the tragic events of the main characters life. Danny Boyle the director (Trainspotting, The Island) brings India to life in ways I have never seen before and really brings out the beauty that can be found any and everywhere. This movie is nominated for 10 Academy Awards and has a great chance of being this years Best Picture.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/slumdogmillionaire/

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A wise man once said “Marty, if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.” Those wise words were my guide today when I embarked on my latest Herculean effort: watching the Star Wars Holiday Special. I had always heard the stories about this epically terrible show, and I thought that I would never get the chance to see it. However, this afternoon when I woke up from my beer induced coma, I hopped on my computer to see what was new in the world. One of my stops was Lady VoIP’s newest blog entry, in which she talked about a virtual Christmas. One of the links she posted caught my eye as it was a site that had 101 Christmas videos. Like a lightning bolt to the brain I immediately thought that there was no way they could have that many videos and not have the Star Wars Holiday Special, and as it turned out #100 was my lucky number.

WTF???

I really couldn’t believe my luck there it was–the missing link. I had to see it and since it was snowing outside I decided that there was no time like the present. To be fair I knew it was supposed to be bad I just didn’t know how bad it was going to be. The first ten minutes of the show was so mind-numbingly excruciating that I had to stop watching and take a break. How bad was it? Ten minutes of watching an inside glimpse of the everyday occurrences of your typical Wookie family. While that was bad enough the make-up, special effects, and really every aspect of it was of the absolute worst quality. It also looked like they scavenged some of the terrible footage that went unused from A New Hope, and some clips looked like they were taken directly from the ANH and reused. On top of all this there was no talking for ten minutes, unless you can call RRRWWWWGGGRR RAAAAWRRR GRRRAAAWWWWRRGG talking. This was the first time I thought about giving up, but the wise words of George McFly helped me to continue on, and thank god I kept going otherwise I would have missed out on all of the greatness that was awaiting me.

Where's The Zipper?

For the entirety of the show I was unable to watch more than fifteen minutes without taking some kind of break to keep my brain from leaking out of my ears. I can’t even put into words how much of an abomination this show is. Let me see if I can attempt to explain how terrible it was. First off the story is dreadful and I’m not even sure what the fuck the story is. It has something to do with Chewbacca going home, and with some talisman that we only see for about ten seconds, and then it becomes irrelevant. Nothing made sense throughout though because the structure and presentation was god-awful. It seems like in every scene they only did one take, and no matter how bad it was they kept it. It’s about now where you are probably asking “why the fuck did you keep watching then?” I will tell you why. You know how some movies are so bad that they transcend their badness and become good? Well that’s not this show at all; it is in an entirely different stratosphere. It is soo bad that it is hysterical. I laughed so freaking hard I drooled on myself. This hilarity comes with a price though–namely retardation. Seriously my brain still feels addled and it has been hours since I finished watching it.

Back Off Sukka!!

One of the only redeeming factors of the whole thing was the cartoon that just abruptly shows up in the middle of the show, and like the show it doesn’t really make much sense but the significance of the cartoon is that it is the first appearance of Boba Fett. Despite the absurdity of this show somehow Boba Fett still retains a modicum of coolness. Another highly hilarious moment was when Chewbacca’s kid, Lumpy (seriously who the fuck thought of that name), starts crying. After watching that scene I couldn’t stop laughing for about ten minutes. Some of the most heinous parts of the show include their attempts to bring “celebrities” into the show via some weird TV like thing. I could have done without Bea Arthur, Jefferson Starshit, or that stupid stupid cooking show. Seriously my mind is still spinning from the incomprehensibility of the whole show. As bad as it was I feel like I accomplished something by sticking with it and watching the whole entire thing. It’s like some zen thing where you cleanse your mind by enduring trials and tribulations. That’s how I feel now, and also half-retarded but maybe that’s just part of the zen experience. So with all that being said go watch it–if you dare. If you can make it through the first ten minutes then you should be impressed with your mental resolve. It’s seriously a once in a lifetime experience. On a side note I want whatever drugs George Lucas was on when he agreed on the creation of this Frankenstein.

Update – 12:17

Liskid hooked up a more complete video over on Google video.

Check out Philippe for America’s take on it here.

(Thanks to starwarsholidayspecial.com for the pics.)

I swear this isn't me.

Today I made my way over to neverbesocial’s blog and read his entry about the lackluster end to the Cub’s season–I know it’s and old one but I was sans computer for awhile so I’m still catching up–and I was wondering how come I am still interested in the playoffs this season.  This despite the fact that the Mets lost to the Marlins again on the last day of the season, once again killing their playoff hopes.  It was so much more than that though, they once again had a lead in September, and once again with 17 games left they floundered…badly.  But yet here I am interested in the season after a mere day or two of grumbling.  I still care about the playoffs, and still check on the team news daily–when I have a computer that is.

This has led me to the conclusion that after the disappointment of 2006–swing the fucking bat Carlos–and the crushing collapse of 2007, the Mets have officially broken my spirit, and although I remain a staunch fan, I have the short term memory and the delusions of a battered wife (hence the BWS or battered wife syndrome).  Sure it’s not like the Mets have ever been really good for an extended period of time, but these last 3 years–especially 2006 though–were supposed to be years where they dominated.  I mean the Braves are a shell of their former selves and yet the Mets still get smacked around by them.

This brings me to yet another conclusion and that is that it hurts way more when your team sucks when they are supposed to be good.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the Mets aren’t very good, and probably won’t be again for a few more years.  (At least I kicked ass in my fantasy league.  My team showed the heart and fight that the Mets are clearly missing, and I get to look forward to defending my title–again–next year.)

The Cubs, however, will probably be good again next year, and they might just make it over the hump and win it all.  If they do it will all be gravy, but if the same thing happens to them again next year then it will make three years in a row that the Cubs have underperformed.  If that happens then I think I will be able to embrace neverbesocial as a fellow member of the BWS club.  The Cubs are known as the lovable losers and that’s fine when they suck, but when they are supposed to win, well, that’s when the losses really, really hurt.  That’s basically what the last three years have felt like for me, and now begins the slow laborious process of rehab with my power animal–slide!

Just how I like them, sad & weepy.

I found this blog today and I must say it is definitely one of the crazier blogs I have ever encounter.  It’s a blog of some anonymous 23 year old girl who is recounting her experience from pregnancy to abortion.  It’s a pretty dark subject to blog about, but it is fairly interesting and depressing at the same time.  Far be it from me to be judgemental, but I wonder how it is she got pregnant.  She doesn’t write about a boyfriend so it makes me think that maybe she is just a party girl that has been trolling the bars, and woke up one morning pregnant.  Or maybe she didn’t give him a hand in the decision making process.  Whatever side of the argument you fall on on the abortion issue it is compelling reading.  Mostly because it is not a blog about trying to make a decision between birth and pregnancy, that decision has already been made, and the fate of the fetus is sealed.  Anyways check it out here.

Last night I dreamt that I rejoined the Marine Corps and went back to Iraq for another tour.  During my time there I ended up losing my right foot and arm in an RPG attack.  Immediately after I lost my limbs I woke up, and I stayed awake for a long time thinking about how in the fuck I would play video games, jack off, throw a baseball, and many other daily tasks without the aide of my right arm.  It’s weird I wasn’t too concerned about losing my right foot.  I think I’d be fairly normal with a prosthetic foot, but losing my right arm really bugged me.  It took me a bit to finally sort it all out in my head and go back to sleep, but now I wonder what the hell, if any, the dream meant.  Most likely nothing, but I have been entertaining thoughts lately about going back to the Raq one more time.  Maybe it’s a warning then.  I did roll the dice once, and came back unscathed, maybe this is fate telling me not to push my luck.